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The Ideal Muslim Woman and Her Community

(An Excerpt from the Book “The Ideal Muslimah: The True Islâmic Personality of the Muslim Woman as Defined in the Qur’ân and Sunnah”)  

By  Dr. Muhammad ‘Ali Al-Hashimi

Translated by Nasiruddin Al-Khattab and Revised by Ibrahim M. Kunna and Abu  Aya Sulaiman Abdus-Sabur Copyright and published by the International Islâmic Publishing House (IIPH), Riyadh, Saudi Arabia in 1999.

Introduction

When it comes to Islamic duties, the Muslim woman is just like a man: she has a mission in life, and so she is required to be as effective, active and social as her particular circumstances and capabilities allow, mixing with other women as much as she can and dealing with them in accordance with the worthy Islamic attitudes and behavior that distinguish her from other women.

Wherever the Muslim woman is found, she becomes a beacon of guidance, and a positive source of correction and education, through both her words and her deeds.

The Muslim woman who has been truly guided by the Qur’an and Sunnah has a refined social personality of the highest degree, which qualifies her to undertake her duty of calling other women to Islam, opening their hearts and minds to the guidance of this great religion which elevated the status of women at a remarkably early stage in their history and furnished them with a vast range of the best of characteristics which are outlined in the Qur’an and Sunnah. Islam has made the acquisition of these characteristics a religious duty for which a person will be rewarded, and will be called to account if he or she fails to attain them. These texts succeeded in making the personality of the woman who is sincere towards Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) into a brilliant example of the decent, chaste, polite, God-fearing, refined, sociable woman.

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of Islam stands out in every women’s gathering she attends, as she demonstrates the true values of her religion and the practical application of those values by her attaining of those worthy attributes. The make-up of her distinct social character represents a huge store of those Islamic values, which can be seen in her social conduct and dealings with people. From this rich, pure source, the Muslim woman draws her own customs, habits and ways of dealing with others and she cleanses her soul and forms her own Muslim, social personality from the same source.

She has a good attitude towards others and treats them well

The Muslim woman is of good and noble character, friendly, humble, gentle of speech and tactful. She likes others and is liked by them. By doing so, she is following the example of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) who, as his servant Anas (radhiallahu anhu) reported, was “the best of people in his attitude towards others.”¹

Anas (radhiallahu anhu) saw more than anyone else of the Prophet’s good attitude, and witnessed such good attitudes that no-one could imagine it existed in any human being. He told us of one aspect of that noble attitude of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“I served  Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) for ten years, and he never said to me ‘Uff!’ (The smallest word of contempt). If I did anything, he never said, ‘Why did you do that?’ And if I did not do something, he never said, ‘Why did you not do such-and-such?’” ²

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was of the best character, as Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) said:

( And you [stand] on an exalted standard of character.) (Qur’an 68:4)

He(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) repeatedly told his Sahabah of the effect a good attitude would have in forming an Islamic personality and in raising a person’s status in the sight of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and of other people. He(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) told them:

“Among the best of you are those who have the best attitude (towards others).”³

“The most beloved to me and the closest to me on the Day of Resurrection will be those of you who have the best attitudes. And the most hateful to me and the furthest from me on the Day of Resurrection will be the prattlers and boasters and al-mutafayhiqun.” The Sahabah said, “O Messenger of Allah(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), we understand who the prattlers and boasters are, but who are al-mutafayhiqun?” He(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “The proud and arrogant.”⁴

The Sahabah (radhiallahu anhu) - men and women alike - used to hear the Prophet’s noble moral teachings, and they would see with their own eyes the excellent way in which he used to deal with people. So they would obey his words and follow his example. Thus was established their society which has never been equalled by any other in the history of mankind.

Anas (radhiallahu anhu) said:

“The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was merciful. Nobody came to him without receiving a promise of his help, which he would Fulfill if he had the means to do so. On one occasion, the iqamah for prayer had been given, when a Bedouin came to him, took hold of his cloak, and said, ‘I still have some matter outstanding, and I do not want to forget it.’ So the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) went with him and resolved the matter, then he came back and prayed.”⁵

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) did not see anything wrong with listening to the Bedouin and resolving his issue, even though the iqamah had already been given. He did not get upset with the man for pulling on his cloak, or object to resolving the matter before the prayer, because he was building a just society, teaching the Muslims by his example how a Muslim should treat his brother, and showing them the moral principles that should prevail in a Muslim community.

If good attitudes and manners among non-Muslims are the result of a good upbringing and solid education, then among Muslims such good attitudes come, above all, from the guidance of Islam, which makes good attitudes a basic characteristic of the Muslim, one which will raise his status in this world and will weigh heavily in his favor in the Hereafter. No deed will count for more on the Day of Judgment than a man’s good attitude, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Nothing will weigh more heavily in the balance of the believing servant on the Day of Resurrection than a good attitude (towards others). Verily Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) hates those who utter vile words and obscene speech.”⁶

Islam has made this good attitude towards others an essential part of faith, and those who have the best attitude towards others are the most complete in faith, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“The most perfect in faith of the believers are those who are best in their attitude towards others.”⁷

Islam also describes those who have the best attitude towards others as being the most beloved to Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) of His servants. This is seen in the hadith of Usamah ibn Shurayk, who said:

“We were sitting with the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) as if there were birds on our heads: none of us were talking. Some people came to him and asked, ‘Who is the most beloved to Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) of His Servants?’ He said, ‘Those who are the best in attitude towards others.’” ⁸

It comes as no surprise that the person who has the best attitude towards others should also be the one who is most beloved to Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) for good treatment of others is an important feature of Islamic law. It is the most significant deed that can be placed in the balance of the Muslim on the Day of Judgment, as we have seen. It is equivalent to prayer and fasting, the two greatest bases of Islam, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“No greater deed will be placed in the balance than a good attitude towards others. A good attitude towards others will bring a person up to the level of fasting and prayer.”⁹ According to another report, he(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “By virtue of his good attitude towards others, a person may reach the level of one who habitually fasts (during the day) and stands in prayer (at night).”

So the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) repeatedly emphasized the importance of a good attitude and encouraged his Companions to adopt it, using various methods to   instill  it in their hearts by his words and deeds. He understood the great impact this good attitude would have in purifying their souls and enhancing their morals and manners. For example, he told Abu Dharr:

“O Abu Dharr, shall I not tell you of two qualities which are easy to attain but which will weigh more heavily in the balance?” He said, “Of course, O Messenger of Allah.” He said, “You should have a good attitude towards others and remain silent for lengthy periods. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, nothing that people have ever attained is better than these two.”¹⁰

And he(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“A good attitude is a blessing and a bad attitude is a calamity. Piety (birr) lengthens life, and charity will prevent a bad death.”¹¹

One of his du’a’s was:

“Allahumma ahsanta khalqi fa ahsin k (O Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) You have made my physical constitution good, so make my attitude and behavior good also).”¹²

The prayer of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), asking Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) to make his attitude good when Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) had described him in the Qur’an as being ( on an exalted standard of character) (Qur’an 68:4), is a clear indication of his deep concern and earnest desire that the Muslims should continue to seek to increase in good attitudes, no matter what heights they had already scaled, just as their Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) continued to seek to increase in good attitudes through this du’a’. “Good attitudes” is a comprehensive term which includes all the good characteristics that human beings may acquire, such as modesty, patience, gentleness, forgiveness, tolerance, cheerfulness, truthfulness, trustworthiness, sincerity, straightforwardness, purity of heart, and so on.

The one who sets out to explore the Islamic teachings on social issues will find himself confronted with a host of teachings that encourage every single one of these noble attitudes. This is an indication of the intense concern that Islam has to form the social personality of the Muslim in the most precise fashion. So it does not stop at mentioning generalities, but it also deals with every minor moral issue that may form individual aspects of the integrated social personality. This comprehensiveness does not exist in other social systems as it does in Islam.

The researcher who sets out to explore the character of the Muslim woman has no alternative but to examine all these texts, and to understand the guidance and legislation contained therein. Only then will he be able to fully comprehend the noble social personality that is unique to the true Muslim, man or woman.

She is truthful

The Muslim woman is truthful with all people, because she has absorbed the teachings of Islam which encourages truthfulness and regards it as the chief of virtues, whilst lying is forbidden and regarded as the source of all evils and bad deeds. The Muslim woman believes that truthfulness naturally leads to goodness, which will admit the one who practices it to Paradise, while falsehood leads to iniquity which will send the one who practices it to Hell. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Truthfulness leads to piety (birr), and piety leads to Paradise. A man continues to speak the truth until he is recorded in the sight of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) as a sincere lover of truth (siddiq). Falsehood leads to iniquity and iniquity leads to Hell. A man will continue to speak falsehood until he is recorded in the sight of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) as a liar.”¹³

Therefore the Muslim woman is keen to be a sincere lover of truth (siddiqah), striving to be true in all her words and deeds. This is a sublime status which is achieved only by God-fearing Muslim women by means of truthfulness, purity of heart and by virtue of which she is recorded in the sight of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) as an honor ed lover of truth. 
 

She avoids giving false statements

The true Muslim woman whose personality has been molded by the teachings and guidance of Islam does not give false statements, because to do so is haram:

( . . . And shun the word that is false.) (Qur’an 22:30)

Bearing false witness¹⁴, besides being haram, does not befit the Muslim woman. It damages her honor  and credibility, and marks a person as twisted and worthless in the sight of others. So the Qur’an completely forbids this attitude for the chosen servants of Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) men and women alike, just as it forbids other major sins:

( Those who witness no falsehood and, if they pass by futility, they pass it by with honor able [avoidance].) (Qur’an 25:72)

Nothing is more indicative of the enormity of this sin than the fact that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) mentioned it as coming after the two most serious sins on the scale of major sins: associating partners with Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and disobedience to parents. Then he repeated it to the Muslims, warning them with the utmost fervour. He(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Shall I not tell you of the most serious of the major sins?” We said: “Of course, O Messenger of Allah.” He said: “Associating anything with Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and diobeying parents.” He was reclining, but then he sat up and said: “And bearing false witness,” and he kept repeating this until we wished that he would stop (i.e., so that he would not exhaust himself with his fervour).”¹⁵
  

She gives sincere advice

The true Muslim woman does not only strive to free herself of negative characteristics; she also seeks to offer sincere advice to every woman she comes into contact with who has deviated from the guidance of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) - and how many women there are who have wronged themselves and are in great need of someone to offer them sincere advice and guide them back towards the straight path which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has commanded all of us to follow.

For the true Muslim woman, offering sincere advice is not just the matter of volunteering to do good out of generosity; it is a duty enjoined by Islam, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Religion is sincerity [or sincere advice].” The Sahabah asked, “To whom?” He said, “To Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) to His Book, to His Messenger, to the leaders of the Muslims and to their common folk.”¹⁶

When the Sahabah swore allegiance (bay’ah) to the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), they would pledge to observe salah and zakah, and to be sincere towards every Muslim, as is shown in the statement of Jarir ibn ‘Abdullah (radhiallahu anhu):

“I swore allegiance to the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) with the pledge that I would establish regular prayer, pay zakah and be sincere to every Muslim.”¹⁷

How brilliantly the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) expressed the meaning of nasihah when he said, “Religion is sincerity [or sincere advice]”! He summed up the entire religion in just one word, “nasihah,” indicating to every Muslim the value of sincerity and sincere advice, and the great impact that sincere advice has on the lives of individuals, families and societies. When sincerity spreads among a people, they are guided to the straight path; if sincerity is withheld, they will go far astray.

Therefore nasihah was one of the most important matters that Muslims pledged to observe when they swore allegiance to the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam): it comes after salah and zakah, as we have seen in the hadith of Jabir ibn Abdullah quoted above.

The fact that sincere advice is mentioned in conjunction with salah and zakah in the oath of allegiance given by the great Sahabi Jarir ibn ‘Abdullah to the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) is an indication of its importance in the Islamic scheme of things and in deciding a person’s fate in the Hereafter. It is therefore a basic characteristic of the true Muslim who is concerned about his destiny on the Day of Judgment.

In Islam, responsibility is a general duty that applies to men and women alike, each person has responsibilities within his or her own social sphere, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) explained:

“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The leader is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; a man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock; a woman is the shepherd in the house of her husband and is responsible for her flock; a servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”¹⁸

If we understand this, we will realize that the woman’s responsibility includes offering sincere advice to everyone around her who can benefit from it.

She guides others to righteous deeds

The Muslim woman whose soul has been purified by Islam and cleansed of the stains of selfishness and love of show guides others to righteous deeds when she knows of them, so that goodness will come to light and people will benefit from it. It is all the same to her whether the good deed is done by herself or by others, because she knows that the one who guides others to do righteous deeds will be rewarded like the one who does the actual deed, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Whoever guides others to do good will have a reward like that of the person who does the good deed.”¹⁹

The Muwoman is the least likely to keep goodness to herself, or to boast to others about doing good, which is the attitude of selwomen who love to show off. It is enough for the Muslim woman who guides others to do good to know that she will be rewarded by Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) in either case, and for the true Muslim woman, storing up reward with Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) is more important than fame and a good reputation. In this way, goodness spreads throughout the community, and every person will have the opportunity to do whatever Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) helps him or her to do.

How many of these deadly psychological disorders are preventing good from being spread in society! For the people who are suffering from them hope that they alone will undertake good deeds to the exclusion of others, but circumstances prevent them from doing so. So goodness and benefits remain locked up waiting for the opportunity that never comes. The true Muslim, man or woman, who seeks to please Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and earn reward from Him is free from such disorders. The true Muslim guides people to do good deeds as soon as he or she is aware of an opportunity, and thus he or she earns a reward from Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) equal to the reward of the one who does the good deed itself.

She does not cheat, deceive, or stab in the back

The sincere Muslim woman for whom truthfulness has become a deeply-rooted characteristic does not cheat, deceive or stab in the back, because these worthless characteristics are beneath her. They contradict the values of truthfulness, and do not befit the Muslim woman. Truthfulness requires an attitude of sincerity, straightforwardness, loyalty and fairness, which leaves no room for cheating, lying, trickery, deceit or betrayal.

The Muslim woman who is filled with the guidance of Islam is truthful by nature, and has a complete aversion to cheating, deceiving and back-stabbing, which she sees as a sign of a person’s being beyond the pale of Islam, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) stated in the hadith narrated by Muslim:

“Whoever bears arms against us is not one of us, and whoever cheats us is not one of us.”²⁰

According to another report, also narrated by Muslim, the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) passed by a pile of food (in the market), put his hand in it and felt dampness (although the surface of the pile was dry). He said, “O owner of the food, what is this?” The man said, “it was damaged by rain, O Messenger of Allah.” He said, “And you did not put the rain-damaged food on top so that people could see it! Whoever cheats us is not one of us.”²¹

Muslim society is based on purity of human feeling, sincerity towards every Muslim, and fulfillment of promises to every member of the society. If any cheats or traitors are found in that society, they are most certainly alien elements whose character is in direct contrast to the noble character of true Muslims.

Islam views cheating, deception and back-stabbing as heinous crimes which will be a source of shame to the guilty party both in this world and the next. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) announced that on the Day of Resurrection, every traitor would be raised carrying the flag of his betrayal and a caller will cry out in the vast arena of Judgment, pointing to him and drawing attention to him:

“Every traitor will have a banner on the Day of Resurrection, and it will be said: ‘This is the betrayer of so-and-so.’” ²²

How great will be the shame of those traitors, men and women, who thought that their betrayal was long since forgotten, and now here it is, spread out for all to see and carried aloft on banners held by their own hands.

Their shame on the Day of Judgment will increase when they see the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who is the hope of intercession on that great and terrible Day, standing in opposition to them, because they have committed the heinous crime of betrayal, which is a crime of such enormity that it will deprive them of the mercy of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and the intercession of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) may He be exalted, said: ‘There are three whom I will oppose on the Day of Resurrection: a man who gave his word, and then betrayed; a man who sold a free man into slavery and kept the money; and a man who hired someone, benefitted from his labour, then did not pay his wages.”²³

The Muslim woman who has been truly guided by Islam steers clear of all forms of deceit and back-stabbing. They exist in many forms in the world of modern women, but the Muslim woman values herself too highly to include herself among those cheating, deceiving women whom the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) considered to be hypocrites:

“There are four features, whoever has all of them is a true hypocrite, and whoever has one of them has one of the qualities of a hypocrite until he gives it up: when he is trusted, he is unfaithful; when he speaks, he tells lies; when he make a promise, he proves treacherous; and when he disputes, he resorts to slander.”²⁴ 

She keeps her promises

One of the noble attitudes of the true Muslim woman is that she keeps her promises. This attitude is the companion of truthfulness and indeed stems naturally from it.

Keeping promises is a praiseworthy attitude, one that indicates the high level of civility attained by the woman who exhibits it. It helps her to succeed in life, and earns her the love, respect and appreciation of others.

The effects of this attitude in  instill  ling moral and psychological virtues in girls and boys are not unknown; if they see their mothers always keeping their promises, this is the best example that they can be given.

For the Muslim woman, keeping promises is not just the matter of social niceties, something to boast about among her friends and peers; it is one of the basic Islamic characteristics and one of the clearest indicators of sound faith and true Islam. Many texts of the Qur’an and Sunnah emphasize the importance of this quality:

( O you who believe! Fulfill all obligations.) (Qur’an 5:1)

( And Fulfill every engagement, for [every] engagement will be enquired into [on the Day of Reckoning].) (Qur’an 17:34)

This is a definitive command from Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) to His believing servants, men and women alike, to keep their promises and to Fulfill whatever obligations those promises entail. There is no room for escaping or dodging this responsibility. It does not befit the Muslim who has committed himself or herself to then try to get out of keeping the promise. It is his duty to keep his word. In some ayat, the word for “promise” is connected by the grammatical structure of idafah (genitive) to Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) Himself, as an indication of its dignity and sanctity, and of the obligation to keep promises:

( Fulfill the Covenant of Allah, when you have entered into it . . .) (Qur’an 16:91)

Islam dislikes those prattlers who carelessly make promises without following through and keeping their word:

( O you who believe! Why say you that which you do not? Grievously odious is it in the sight of Allah that you say that which you do not.) (Qur’an 61:2-3)

Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) does not like His believing servants, male or female, to sink to the level of empty words, promises given with no intention of fulfillment, and all manner of excuses to avoid upholding the commitments made. Such conduct does not befit believing men and women. The tone of the question asked in this ayah is an expression of the extreme disapproval incurred by those believers who commit the sin of saying that which they do not do.

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“The signs of a hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is entrusted with something, he betrays that trust.”²⁵

According to a report given by Muslim, he(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) added:

“Even if he fasts, prays and thinks that he is a Muslim.”²⁶

The level of a woman’s Islam is not determined only by acts of worship and rituals, but also the extent to which her character is influenced by the teachings and high values of Islam. She does only that which will please Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala).  The Muslim woman who understands and adheres to the teachings of Islam does not break her promises, or cheat others, or betray them, because such acts contradict the morals and values of true Isla, and such attitudes are only found among men and women who are hypocrites.

Let them know this, those women who tell lies to their own children, who make promises then go back on thword, thus planting the seeds of dishonesty and promise-breaking in their children’s hearts. Let them know this, those women who make empty, meaningless promises and attach no importance to the word of honor  to which they have committed themselves, lest by such carelessness they become hypocrites themselves and earn the punishment of the hypocrites which, as is well known, is a place in the lowest level of Hell.

She is not a hypocrite

The true Muslim woman is frank and open in her words and opinions, and is the furthest removed from hypocrisy, flattery and false praise, because she knows from the teachings of Islam that hypocrisy is haram, and does not befit the true Muslim.

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has protected us from falling into the mire of hypocrisy and flattery. When Banu ‘Amir came to him and praised him, saying, “You are our master,” he said, “The only Master is Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala). “ When they said, “You are the most excellent and greatest of us,” he said, “Say what you want, or a part of it, but do not speak like agents of Shaytan. I do not want you to raise me above the status to which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has appointed me. I am Muhammad ibn ‘Abdullah, His Servant and Messenger.”²⁷

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) prevented people from exaggerating in their praise of others, some of whom may not even be deserving of praise, when he forbade them to describe him as “master,” “excellent” and “great,” at the time when he was without doubt the greatest of the Messengers, the master of the Muslims and the greatest and most excellent of them. He did this because he understood that if the door of praise was opened to its fullest extent, it might lead to dangerous types of hypocrisy which are unacceptable to a pure Islamic spirit and the truth on which this religion is based. He forbade the Sahabah to praise a man to his face, lest the one who spoke the words crossed the boundary of hypocrisy, or the object of his admiration be filled with feelings of pride, arrogance, superiority and self-admiration.

Bukhari and Muslim narrate that Abu Bakrah (radhiallahu anhu) said:

“A man praised another man in the presence of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who said: ‘Woe to you! You have cut your companion’s throat!’ several times. Then he said: ‘Whoever of you insists on praising his brother, let him say: “I think So-and-so is such-and-such, and Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) knows the exact truth, and I do not confirm anyone’s good conduct before Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) but I think him to be such-and-such,” if he knows that this is the case.’” ²⁸

If praising a person cannot be avoided, then it must be sincere and based on truth. The praise should be moderate, reserved and without any exaggeration. This is the only way in which a society can rid itself of the diseases of hypocrisy, lies, deceit and sycophancy.

In al-Adab al-Mufrad, Bukhari reports from Raja’ from Mihjan al-Aslami that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and Mihjan were in the mosque when the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) saw a man praying, bowing and prostrating, and asked, “Who is that?” Mihjan began to praise the man, saying, “O Messenger of Allah, he is So-and-so, and is such-and-such.” The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Stop. Do not let him hear you, or it will be his downfall!”²⁹

According to a report given by Ahmad, Mihjan said: “O Messenger of Allah, this is so-and-so, one of the best people of Madinah,” or “one of the people who prays the most in Madinah.” The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Do not let him hear you, or it will be his downfall!” - two or three times - “You are an ummah for whom I wish ease.”³⁰

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) described hearing praise as being a person’s downfall, because of its profound psychological impact on the human mind which by nature loves to hear such words. So the one who is praised begins to feel superior to and to look down on other people. If such praise is repeated by the hypocrites and flatterers - and how many of them there are surrounding those in positions of power and authority! - this will satisfy a strong desire in his heart and will become something he wants to hear regularly. Then he will hate to hear criticism and advice, and will only accept praise, thanks and adulation. No wonder, then, that truth will be lost, justice will be eliminated, morality will be destroyed and society will be corrupted.

For this reason the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ordered his Companions to throw dust in the faces of those who praise others, lest their number, and hence flattery and hypocrisy, increase, which would have had disastrous consequences for the whole Muslim society.

The Sahabah, may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) be pleased with them, used to feel upset when they heard others praising them, although they were the most deserving of such praise, because they feared its disastrous consequences and adhered to the basic principles of Islam that abhor such cheap, empty expressions. Nafi’ (radhiallahu anhu) and others said: “A man said to Ibn ‘Umar (radhiallahu anhu): ‘O you who are the best of people!’ or ‘O son of the best of people!’ Ibn ‘Umar said: ‘I am not the best of people, neither am I the son of the best of people. I am just one of the servants of Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala) : I hope for His (mercy) and I fear His (wrath). By Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) you will continue to pursue a man (with your praise) until you bring about his downfall.’” ³¹

This is a wise statement from a great Sahabi of the utmost Islamic sensibilities, who adhered to Islamic teachings both in secret and openly.

The Sahabah understood precisely the Prophet’s guidance telling them that their words and deeds should be free from hypocrisy. The great difference between that which is done sincerely for the sake of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and that which is merely hypocrisy and flattery was abundantly clear to them.

Ibn ‘Umar (radhiallahu anhu) said that some people said to him: “When we enter upon our rulers we tell them something different from what we say when we have left them.” Ibn ‘Umar said: “At the time of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), we used to consider this to be hypocrisy.”³²

The true Muslim woman is protected by her religion from sinking to the dangerous level of hypocrisy to which many women today have sunk who think that they have not overstepped the bounds of polite flattery. They do not realize that there is a type of flattery that is haram and that they could sink so low without realizing it and fall into the sin of that despised hypocrisy which may lead to their ultimate doom. This happens when they keep quiet and refrain from telling the truth, or when they praise those who do not deserve it.

She is characterized by shyness [haya’]

Women are shy by nature, and what I mean here by shyness is the same as the definition of the ‘ulama’: the noble attitude that always motivates a person to keep away from what is abhorrent and to avoid falling short in one’s duties towards those who have rights over one. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was the highest example of shyness, as the great Sahabi Abu Sa’id al-Khudri described him:

“ Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was more shy than the virgin hiding away in her own room. If he saw something he disliked, we would know it only from his facial expression.”³³

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) praised the attitude of shyness in a number of ahadith, and explained that it is pure goodness, both for the one who possesses this virtue and for the society in which he lives.

‘Imran ibn Husayn (radhiallahu anhu) said:

“The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘Shyness brings nothing but good.’” ³⁴

According to a report given by Muslim, he(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Shyness is all good.”³⁵

Abu Hurayrah (radhiallahu anhu) said:

“The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Faith has seventy-odd branches. The greatest of them is saying la ilaha ill-Allah, and the least of them is removing something harmful from the road. Shyness is one of the branches of faith.”³⁶

The true Muslim woman is shy, polite, gentle and sensitive to the feelings of others. She never says or does anything that may harm people or offend their dignity.

The attitude of shyness that is deeply-rooted in her nature is supported by her understanding of the Islamic concepof shyness, which protects her against going wrong or deviating from Islamic teachings in her dealings with others. She does not only feel shy in front of people, but she also feels shy before Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala).  She is careful not to let her faith become by wrongdoing, because shyness is one of the branches of faith. This is the highest level that may be reached by the woman who is characterized by shyness. In this way she is distinguished from the Western woman who has lost the characteristic of shyness.

She is proud and does not beg

One of the features that distinguish the Muslim woman who has truly understood the guidance of Islam is the fact that she is proud and does not beg. If she is faced with difficulties or is afflicted with poverty, she seeks refuge in patience and self-pride, whilst redoubling her efforts to find a way out of the crisis of poverty that has befallen her. It never occurs to her to put herself in the position of begging and asking for help, because Islam thinks too highly of the true Muslim woman to allow her to put herself in such a position. The Muslim woman is urged to be proud, independent and patient - then Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will help her and give her independence and patience:

“Whoever refrains from asking from people, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will help him. Whoever tries to be independent, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will enrich him. Whoever tries to be patient, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will give him patience, and no-one is given a better or vaster gift than patience.”³⁷

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of Islam knows that Islam has given the poor some rights over the wealth of the rich, who should give freely without reminders or insults. But at the same time, Islam wants the poor to be independent and not to rely on this right. The higher hand is better than the lower hand, so all Muslims, men and women, should always work so that their hand will not be the lower one. That is more befitting and more honoring to them. So those men and women who have little should increase their efforts and not be dependent on charity and hand-outs. This will save them from losing face. Whenever he spoke from the minbar about charity and refraining from begging, the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) would remind the Muslims that “the higher hand is better than the lower, the higher hand is the one that spends, whilst the lower hand is the one that begs.”³⁸

She does not interfere in that which does not concern her

The true Muslim woman is wise and discerning; she does not interfere in that which does not concern her, nor does she concern herself with the private lives of the women around her. She does not stick her nose into their affairs or force herself on them in any way, because this could result in sin or blame on her part. By seeking to avoid interfering in that which does not concern her, she protects herself from vain and idle talk, as she is adhering to a sound Islamic principle that raises the Muslim above such foolishness, furnishes him with the best of attitudes, and guides him towards the best way of dealing with others:

“A sign of a person’s being a good Muslim is that he should leave alone that which does not concern him.”³⁹

Abu Hurayrah (radhiallahu anhu) reported that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) likes three things for you and dislikes three things. He likes for you to worship Him, not to associate anything with Him, and to hold fast, all together, by the Rope which He (stretches out for you), and not to be divided among yourselves [cf. Al ‘Imran 3:103]. And He dislikes for you to pass on stories and gossip, to ask too many questions, and to waste money.”⁴⁰

The divinely-guided society which has been formed by Islam has no room for passing on stories and gossip, asking too many questions, or interfering in the private affairs of others, because the members of such a society are too busy with something much more important, which is the establishing of the word of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) on earth, taking the banner of Islam to the four corners of the earth, and spreading its values among mankind. Those who are engaged in such great missions do not have the time to indulge in such sins.

She refrains from slandering the honor of others and seeking out their faults

The God-fearing Muslim woman restrains her tongue and does not seek out people’s faults or slander their honor , and she hates to see such talk spread in the Muslim community. She acts in accordance with the guidance of the Qur’an and Sunnah, which issue a severe warning to those corrupt men and women who indulge in slandering the honor  of others, that they will suffer a terrible punishment in this world and the next:

( Those who love [to see] scandal published broadcast among the Believers, will have a grievous Penalty in this life and in the Hereafter: Allah knows, and you know not.) (Qur’an 24:19)

The one who indulges in the slander of people’s honor , and spreads news of scandal throughout the community is just like the one who commits the scandalous deed, as ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib (radhiallahu anhu) stated:

“The one who tells the news of scandal and the one who spread the news are equally sinful.”⁴¹

The true Muslim woman understands that the human shortcomings of some weak or careless women cannot be dealt with by seeking out their faults and mistakes and broadcasting them throughout the community. The way to deal with them is by offering sound advice to the women concerned, encouraging them to obey Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and teaching them to hate disobedience themselves, always being frank without hurting their feelings or being confrontational.

Kind words and a gentle approach in explaining the truth opens hearts and minds, and leads to complete spiritual and physical submission. For this reason, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) forbids the Muslims to spy on one another and seek out one another’s faults:

( . . . And spy not on each other . . .) (Qur’an 49:12)

Exposing people’s shortcomings, seeking out their faults, spying on them and gossiping about them are actions which not only hurt the people concerned; they also harm the greater society in which they live. Therefore the Qur’an issued a stern warning to those who love to spread scandal in the community, because whenever scandal is spread in a community, people’s honor  is insulted, and rumours, plots and suspicions increase, then the disease of promiscuity becomes widespread, people become immune to acts of disobedience and sin, the bonds of brotherhood are broken, and hatred, enmity, conspiracies and corruption arise. This is what the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) referred to when he said:

“If you seek out the faults of the Muslims, you will corrupt them, or you will nearly corrupt them.”⁴²

So the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) issued a stern warning to the Muslims against the danger of slandering people’s honor  and exposing their faults. He threatened that the one who takes such matters lightly would himself be exposed, even if he were hiding in the innermost part of his home:

“Do not hurt the feelings of the servants of Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala) ; do not embarrass them; do not seek to expose their faults. Whoever seeks to expose the faults of his Muslim brother, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will seek to expose his faults and expose him, even if he hides in the innermost part of his home.”⁴³

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was deeply offended by those who were nosey, suspicious or doubtful, or who sought to undermine people’s reputation and honor . He would become very angry whenever he heard any news of these aggressors who hurt others. Ibn ‘Abbas (radhiallahu anhu) described the anger of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and his harshness towards those who slandered the honor  of others:

“The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) gave a speech that even reached the ears of virgins in their private rooms. He said: ‘O you who have spoken the words of faith, but faith has not penetrated your hearts! Do not hurt the feelings of the believers and do not seek out their faults. Whoever seeks out the faults of his Muslim brother, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will seek out his faults, and whoever’s faults are sought out by Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will be exposed, even if he is in the innermost part of his house.”⁴⁴

These harsh words, which were even heard by the virgins secluded in tprivate rooms, reflect the anger felt by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). He started his speech with the words “O you who have spoken the words of faith, but faith has not penetrated your hearts!” How great is the sin of those who are included among those whose hearts are deprived of the blessing of faith!

She does not show off or boast

The Muslim woman does not slip into the error of pride, boasting and showing off, because her knowledge of Islam protects her from such errors. She understands that the very essence of this religion is sincerity towards Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) in word and deed; any trace of a desire to show off will destroy reward, cancel out good deeds, and bring humiliation on the Day of Judgment.

Worshipping Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) is the goal behind the creation of mankind and jinn, as the Qur’an says:

( I have only created jinns and men, that they may serve Me.) (Qur’an 51:56)

But this worship cannot be accepted unless it is done sincerely for the sake of Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala) :

( And they have been commanded no more than this: to worship Allah, offering Him sincere devotion, being True [in faith] . . .) (Qur’an 98:5)

When a Muslim woman’s deeds are contaminated with the desire to boast or show off or seek fame and reputation, the good deeds will be invalidated. Her reward will be destroyed and she will be in a clear state of loss. The Qur’an issues a clear and stern warning to those who spend their wealth then remind the beneficiaries of their charity of their gifts in a way that hurts their feelings and offends their dignity:

( O you who believe! Cancel not your charity by reminders of your generosity or by injury - like those who spend their substance to be seen of men, but believe neither in Allah nor the Last Day. They are in Parable like a hard, barren rock, on which is a little soil; on it falls heavy rain, which leaves it [just] a bare rock. They will be able to do nothing with aught they have earned. And Allah guides not those who reject faith.) (Qur’an 2:264)

Reminding the poor of one’s generosity cancels out the reward of these acts of charity, just as pouring water washes away all traces of soil on a smooth stone. The last part of the ayah presents the frightening admonition that those who show off do not deserve the guidance of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and are counted as kafirs: ( And Allah guides not those who reject faith.)

Such people’s main concern is to appear to people to be doing good works; they are not concerned with earning the pleasure of Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala).  Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has described them as doing apparently good deeds:

( . . . to be seen of men, but little do they hold Allah in remembrance.) (Qur’an 4:142)

Thus their deeds will be thrown back in their faces, because they associated something or someone else with Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) does not accept any deeds except those which are done purely for His sake, as is stated in the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (radhiallahu anhu), in which he reports that he heard  Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) say:

“Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) said: ‘I am so self-sufficient that I am in no need of having an associate. Thus he who does an action for someone else’s sake as well as Mine shall have that action renounced by Me to the one whom he associated with Me.”⁴⁵

The true Muslim woman is cautious, when doing good deeds, to avoid falling into the dangerous trap into which so many women who seek to do good have fallen, without even realizing it, by seeking praise for their efforts and honor able mention on special occasions. Theirs is a terrible fall indeed.

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has clearly explained this issue and has referred to the terrible humiliation that those who show off will suffer on that awful Day ( whereon neither wealth nor sons will avail, but only he [will prosper] that brings to Allah a sound heart.) (Qur’an 26:88-89).

This is mentioned in another hadith in which Abu Hurayrah (radhiallahu anhu) said:

“I heard the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) say: ‘The first person to be judged on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who was martyred. He will be brought forth and Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will remind him of His blessings, and he will recognize them. Then he will be asked, “What did you do with them?” He will say, “I fought for Your sake until I was martyred.” Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will say, “You have lied. You only fought so that people would say, ‘He is courageous,’ and they did say it.” Then He will order that he be dragged on his face and thrown into the Fire. Then there will be a man who studied much and taught others, and recited Qur’an. He will be brought forth and Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will remind of His blessings, and he will recognize them. Then he will be asked, “What did you do with them?” He will say, “I studied much, and taught others, and recited Qur’an for Your sake. Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will say, “You have lied. You studied so that people would say, ‘He is a scholar,’ and you recited Qur’an so that they would say, ‘He is a qari’,’ and they did say it.” Then He will order that he be dragged on his face and thrown into the Fire. Then there will be a man to whom Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) gave all types of wealth in abundance. He will be brought forth and Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will remind him of His blessings and he will recognize them. Then he will be asked, “What did you do with them?” He will say, “I have never seen any way in which You would like money to be spent for Your sake without spending it.” Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will say, “You have lied. You did that so people would say, ‘he is generous,’ and they did say it.” Then He will order that he be dragged on his face and thrown into the Fire.” ⁴⁶

The intelligent Muslim woman who is truly guided by the Qur’an and Sunnah carefully avoids slipping into the sin of boasting in any of its many forms. She is ever keen to devote all of her deeds exclusively to Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) seeking His pleasure, and whenever the appalling specter of pride and boasting looms before her, she remembers and adheres to the teaching of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“Whoever makes a show of his good deeds so that people will respect him, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will show what is truly in his heart.”⁴⁷ 

She is fair in her Judgments

The Muslim woman may be put in a position where she is required to form an opinion or Judgment on some person or matter. This is where her faith, common sense and taqwa reveal themselves. The true Muslim woman judges fairly, and is never unjust, biased or influenced by her own whims, no matter what the circumstances, because she understands from the teachings of Islam that being just and avoiding unfairness are at the very heart of her faith, as stated by clear and unambiguous texts of the Qur’an and Sunnah and expressed in commandments that leave no room for prevarication:

( Allah does command you to render back your Trusts to whom they are due; and when you judge between man and man, that you judge with justice . . .) (Qur’an 4:58) 

Justice as known by the Muslim and the Islamic society is aboslute and pure justice. It is not influenced by friendship, hatred or blood ties:

( O you who believe! Stand out firmly for Allah, as witnesses to fair dealing, and do not let the hatred of others to you make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to Piety: and fear Allah. For Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do.) (Qur’an 5:8)

( . . . Whenever you speak, speak justly, even if a near relative is concerned . . .) (Qur’an 6:152)

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) set the highest example of justice when Usamah ibn Zayd came to intercede for the Makhzumi woman who had committed theft, and the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) had decided to cut off her hand. He said: “Do you intercede concerning one of the punishments decreed by Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) O Usamah? By Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) even if Fatimah the daughter of Muhammad had committed theft, I would have cut off her hand.”⁴⁸

This is absolute, universal justice which is applied to great and small, prince and commoner, Muslims and non-Muslims. None can escape its grasp, and this is what differentiates justice in Islamic societies from justice in other societies.

History records the impressive story that earns the respect of the institutions of justice throughout the world and at all times: the khalifah ‘Ali ibn AbTalib stood side by side in court with his Jewish opponent, who had stolen his shield, on equal terms. The qadi, Shurayh, did not let his great respect for the khalifah prevent him from asking him to produce evidence that the Jew had stolen his shield. When the khalifah could not produce such evidence, the qadi ruled in favor of the Jew, and against the khalifah. Islam history is full of such examples which indicate the extent to which truth and justice prevailed in the Muslim society.

Therefore the Muslim woman who truly adheres to the teachings of her religion is just in word and deed, and this attitude of hers is reinforced by the fact that truth and justice are an ancient part of her heritage and fairness is a sacred part of her belief.

She does not oppress or mistreat others

To the extent that the Muslim woman is keen to adhere to justice in all her words and deeds, she also avoids oppression (zulm), for oppression is darkness in which male and female oppressors will become lost, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) explained:

“Keep away from oppression, for oppression is darkness on the Day of Resurrection.”⁴⁹

The following hadith qudsi definitively and eloquently expresses Allah’s (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) prohibition of oppression in a way that leaves no room for prevarication:

“O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another.”⁵⁰

If Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) the Creator, the Sovereign, the Most Holy, the Exalted in Might, the Omnipotent, the Almighty, may He be glorified, has forbidden oppression for Himself, and forbidden it for His servants, does it then befit His weak, mortal servant to commit the sin of oppression against his human brother?

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) forbade Muslim men and women to commit the sin of oppression against their brothers and sisters in faith, no matter what the motives, reasons or circumstances might be. It is unimaginable that a Muslim who is adhering to the strong bonds of brotherhood could commit such a sin:

“A Muslim is the brother of another Muslim: he does not oppress him or forsake him when he is oppressed. Whoever helps his brother, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will help him; whoever relieves his brother from some distress, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will relieve him of some of his distress on the Day of Resurrection; whoever covers (the fault of) a Muslim, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will cover his faults on the Day of Resurrection.”⁵¹

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) did not stop at forbidding oppression against another Muslim, man or woman; he also forbade Muslims to forsake a brother in faith who was being oppressed, because this act of forsaking an oppressed brother is in itself a terrible form of oppression. He encouraged Muslims to take care of their brothers’ needs and to ease their suffering and conceal their faults, as if indicating that the neglect of these virtues constitutes oppression, failure and injustice with regard to the ties of brotherhood that bind the Muslim and his brother.

We have quoted above the texts that enjoin absolute justice which cannot be influenced by love, hatred, bias or ties of blood, and other texts that forbid absolute injustice. This means that justice is to be applied to all people, and that injustice to any people is to be avoided, even if the people concerned are not Muslim. Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) commands justice and good treatment of all, and forbids oppression and wrong-doing to all:

( Allah forbids you not, with regard to those who fight you not for [your] Faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and justly with them: For Allah loves those who are just.) (Qur’an 60:8)

She is fair even to those whom  she does not like

Life sometimes imposes on a Muslim woman the burden of having to live or mix with women whom she does not like, such as living in the same house with one of her in-laws or other women with whom she has nothing in common and does not get along well. This is something which happens in many homes, a fact which cannot be denied, for souls are like conscripted soldiers: if they recognize one another, they will become friends, and if they dislike one another, they will go their separate ways, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) explained in the hadith whose authenticity is agreed upon. How should the Muslim woman who has received a sound Islamic education conduct herself in such a situation? Should she be negative in her dealings, Judgments and reactions, or should she be gentle, tactful, fair and wise, even with those whom she does not like?

The answer is that the Muslim woman who is truly guided by Islam should be fair, wise, gentle and tactful. She should not expose her true feelings towards those she dislikes, or expose her cold feelings towards them in the way she behaves towards them and reacts to them. She should greet such women warmly, treat them gently and speak softly to them. This is the attitude adopted by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and his Companions. Abu’l-Darda’ (radhiallahu anhu) said:

“We smile at people even if in our hearts we are cursing them.”⁵²

‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr reported that ‘A’ishah told him:

“A man sought permission to enter upon the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), and he said, ‘Let him in, what a bad son of his tribe (or bad brother of his tribe) he is!’ When the man came in, the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) spoke to him kindly and gently. I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, you said what you said, then you spoke to him kindly.’ He said, ‘O ‘A’ishah, the worst of the people in the sight of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) is the one who is shunned by others or whom people treat nicely because they fear his sharp tongue.’” ⁵³

Being companionable, friendly and kind towards people are among the attributes of believing men and women. Being humble, speaking gently and avoiding harshness are approaches that make people like one another and draw closer to one another, as enjoined by Islam, which encourages Muslims to adopt these attitudes in their dealings with others.

The true Muslim woman is not swayed by her emotions when it comes to love and hate. She is moderate, objective, fair and realistic in her treatment and opinions of those woman whom she does not like, and allows herself to be governed by her reason, religion, chivalry and good attitude. She does not bear witness except to the truth, and she does not judge except with justice, following the example of the Mothers of the Believers, who were the epitome of fairness, justice and taqwa in their opinions of one another.

‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) was the closest of his wives to the Prophet’s heart, and her main rival in this regard was Zaynab bint Jahsh. It was natural for there to be jealousy between them, but this jealousy did not prevent either of them from saying what was true about the other and acknowledging her qualities without undermining them.

In Sahih Muslim, ‘A’ishah says of Zaynab:

“She was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). I have never seen a woman better in piety than Zaynab, or more fearing of Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) or more true in speech, or more faithful in upholding the ties of kinship, or more generous in giving charity, or humble enough to work with her hand s in order to earn money that she could spend for the sake of Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala).  However, she was hot-tempered and quick to anger, but she would soon cool down and then take the matter no further.”⁵⁴

In Sahih Bukhari, in the context of her telling of the slander incident (al-ifk) concerning which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) Himself confirmed her total innocence, ‘A’ishah referred to Zaynab’s testimony concerning her:

“ Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) asked Zaynab bint Jahsh concerning me, saying: ‘O Zaynab, what did you see? What have you learnt?’ She said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, I protect my hearing and my sight (by refraining from telling lies). I know nothing but good about her.’”  Then ‘A’ishah said: “She is the one who was my main rival, but Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) protected her (from telling lies) because of her piety.”⁵⁵

Anyone who reads the books of sirah and the biographies of the Sahabah will find many reports of the wives of the Prophets which describe fairness and mutual praise among co-wives.

Among these is Umm Salamah’s comment about Zaynab: “Zaynab was very dear to the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), and he liked to spend time with her. She was righteous, and frequently stood in prayer at night and fasted during the day. She was skilled (in handicrafts) and used to give everything that she earned in charity to the poor.”

When Zaynab died, ‘A’ishah said: “She has departed praiseworthy and worshipping much, the refuge of the orphans anwidows.”⁵⁶

When Maymunah died, ‘A’ishah said: “By Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) Maymunah has gone. . . But by Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) she was one of the most pious of us and one of those who was most faithful in upholding the ties of kinship.”⁵⁷

The wives of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) displayed this attitude of fairness and justice towards co-wives in spite of the jealousy, competition and sensitivity that existed between them. We can only imagine how great and noble their attitude towards other women was. By their behavior and attitude, they set the highest example for Muslim woman of human co-existence that absorbs all hatred by increasing the power of reason and controls the strength of jealousy - if it is present - by strengthening the feelings of fairness, good treatment and a sense of being above such negative attitudes. Thus the Muslim woman becomes fair towards those women whom she does not like, regardless of the degree of closeness between them, fair when judging them, and wise, rational and tactful in her treatment of them.

She does not rejoice in the misfortunes of others

The sincere Muslim woman who is truly infused with Islamic attitudes does not rejoice in the misfortunes of anyone, because Schadenfreude (malicious enjoyment of others’ misfortunes) is a vile, hurtful attitude that should not exist in the God-fearing woman who understands the teachings of her religion. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) forbade this attitude and warned against it:

“Do not express malicious joy at the misfortune of your brother, for Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will have mercy on him and inflict misfortune on you.”⁵⁸

There is no room for Schadenfreude in the heart of the Muslim woman in whom Islam has  instill  led good manners. Instead, she feels sorry for those who are faced with trials and difficulties: she hastens to help them and is filled with compassion for their suffering. Schadenfreude belongs only in those sick hearts that are deprived of the guidance of Islam and that are accustomed to plotting revenge and seeking out means of harming others.

She avoids suspicion

Another attribute of the true Muslim woman is that she does not form unfounded suspicions about anybody. She avoids suspicion as much as possible, as Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has commanded in the Qur’an:

( O you who believe! Avoid suspicion as much [as possible]: for suspicion in some cases is a sin . . .) (Qur’an 49:12)

She understands that by being suspicious of others she may fall into sin, especially if she allows her imagination free rein to dream up possibilities and illusions, and accuses them of shameful deeds of which they are innocent. This is the evil suspicion which is forbidden in Islam.

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) issued a stern warning against suspicion and speculation that has no foundation in reality. He(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the falsest of speech.”⁵⁹

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) counted suspicion as being the falsest of speech. The truly sincere Muslim woman who is keen to speak the truth always would never even allow words that carry the stench of untruth to cross her tongue, so how can she allow herself to fall into the trap of uttering the falsest of speech?

When the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) warned against suspicion and called it the falsest of speech, he was directing the Muslims, men and women, to take people at face value, and to avoid speculating about them or doubting them. It is not the attitude of a Muslim, nor is it his business, to uncover people’s secrets, to expose their private affairs, or to slander them. Only Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) knows what is in people’s hearts, and can reveal it or call them to account for it, for only He knows all that is secret and hidden. A man, in contrast, knows nothing of his brother except what he sees him do. This was the approach of the Sahabah and Tabi’in who received the pure and unadulterated guidance of Islam.

‘Abd al-Razzaq reported from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Utbah ibn Mas’ud:

“I heard ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (radhiallahu anhu) say: ‘People who used to follow the wahy (Revelation) at the time of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), but now the wahy has ceased. So now we take people at face value. If someone appears good to us, we trust him and form a close relationship with him on the basis of what we see of his deeds. We have nothing to do with his inner thoughts, which are for Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) to judge. And if someone appears bad to us, we do not trust him or believe him, even if he tells us that his inner thoughts are good.”⁶⁰

The true Muslim woman who is adhering to that which will help her to remember Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and do good deeds, will exercise the utmost care in every word she utters concerning her Muslim sister, whether directly or indirectly. She tries to be sure about every Judgment she makes about people, always remembering the words of Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala) :

( And pursue not that of which you have no knowledge; for every act of hearing, or of seeing, or of [feeling in] the heart will be enquired into [on the Day of Reckoning].) (Qur’an 17:36)

So she does not transgress this wise and definitive prohibition: she does not speak except with knowledge, and she does not pass Judgment except with certainty.

The true Muslim woman always reminds herself of the watching angel who is assigned to record every word she utters and every Judgment she forms, and this increases her fear of falling into the sin of suspicion:

( Not a word does he utter, but there is a sentinel by him, ready [to note it].) (Qur’an 50:18)

The alert Muslim woman understands the responsibility she bears for every word she utters, because she knows that these words may raise her to a position where Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) is pleased with her, or they may earn her His wrath, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“A man could utter a word that pleases Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and not realize the consequences of it, for Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) may decree that he is pleased with him because of it until the Day he meets Him. Similarly, a man could utter a word that angers Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and not realize the consequences of it, for Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) may decree that He is angry with him because of it until the Day of Resurrection.”⁶¹

How great is our responsibility for the words we utter! How serious are the consequences of the words that our garrulous tongues speak so carelessly!

The true Muslim woman who is God-fearing and intelligent does not listen to people’s idle talk, or pay attention to the rumours and speculation that are rife in our communities nowadays, especially in the gatherings of foolish and careless women. Consequently she never allows herself to pass on whatever she hears of such rumours without being sure that they are true. She believes that to do so would be the kind of haram lie that was clearly forbidden by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“It is enough lying for a man to repeat everything that he hears.”⁶² 

She refrains from backbiting and spreading malicious gossip 

The Muslim woman who truly understands the teachings of Islam is conscious of Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) fearing Him in secret and in the open. She carefully avoids uttering any word of slander or malicious gossip that could anger her Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer)  and include her among those spreaders of malicious gossip who are severely condemned in the Qur’an and Sunnah.

When she reads the words of Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala) :

( . . . Nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, you would abhor it . . . But fear Allah, for Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.) (Qur’an 49:12)

she is filled with revulsion for the hateful crime of gossip, which is likened to the eating of her dead sister’s flesh. So she hastens to repent, as Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) commands at the end of the ayah, encouraging the one who has fallen into the error of backbiting to repent quickly from it.

She heeds the words of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who said:

“The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and whose hand the Muslims are safe.”⁶³

So she feels that gossip is a sin which does not befit the Muslim woman who has uttered the words of the Shahadah, and that the woman who is used to gossip in social gatherings is not among the righteous Muslim women.

‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) said:

“I said to the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), ‘It is enough for you that Safiyyah is such-and-such.’”  Snarrators said that she meant she was short of stature. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “You have spoken a word that, if it were to mixed with the waters of the sea, it would contaminate them.”⁶⁴

The Muslim woman pays attention to the description of the seven acts that may lead to a person’s condemnation, which the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) called on people to avoid. In this list, she finds something that is even worse and more dangerous than mere gossip, namely the slander of chaste, innocent believing women, which is a sin that some women fall into in their gatherings:

“Avoid (the) seven things that could lead to perdition.” It was asked, “O Messenger of Allah, what are they?” He said: “Shirk [associating any partner with Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala) ]; witchcraft (sihr); killing anyone for whom Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has forbidden killing, except in the course of justice; consuming the wealth of the orphan; consuming riba (usury); running away from the battlefield; and slandering chaste and innocent believing women.”⁶⁵

The Muslim woman who truly understands this teaching takes the issue of gossip very seriously, and does not indulge in any type of gossip or tolerate anyone to gossip in her company. She defends her sisters from hostile gossip and refutes whatever bad things are being said about them, in accordance with the words of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“Whoever defends the flesh of his brother in his absence, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will save him from the Fire.”⁶⁶

The true Muslim woman also refrains from spreading malicious gossip, because she understands the dangerous role it plays in spreading evil and corruption in society and breaking the ties of love and friendship between its members, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) explained:

“The best of the servants of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) are those who, when they are seen, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) is remembered (i.e., they are very pious). The worst of the servants of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) are those who spread malicious gossip, cause division between friends, and seek to cause trouble for innocent people.”⁶⁷

It is enough for the woman who spreads malicious gossip and causes trouble between friends and splits them up to know that if she persists in her evil ways, there awaits her humiliation in this life and a terrible destiny in the next, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) declared that the blessings of Paradise will be denied to every person who spreads malicious gossip. This is stated clearly in the sahih hadith:

“The one who engages in malicious gossip will not enter Paradise.”⁶⁸

What fills the believing woman’s heart with fear and horror of the consequences of spreading malicious gossip is the fact that Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will pour His punishment upon the one who engaged in this sin from the moment he or she is laid in the grave. We find this in the hadith which Bukhari, Muslim and others narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas (radhiallahu anhu):

“ Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) passed by two graves, and said: ‘They are being punished, but they are not being punished for any major sin. One of them used to spread malicious gossip, and the other used not to clean himself properly after urinating.’”  He (Ibn ‘Abbas) said: “He called for a green branch and split it in two, then planted a piece on each grave and said, ‘May their punishment be reduced so long as these remain fresh.’” ⁶⁹

She avoids cursing and foul language

The Muslim woman who has absorbed the good manners taught by Islam never utters obscene language or foul words, or offends people with curses and insults, because, she knows that the moral teachings of Islam completely forbid all such talk. Cursing is seen as a sin that damages the quality of a person’s adherence to Islam, and the foul-mouthed person is intensely disliked by Allah  (subhanahu wa ta’ala). 

Ibn Mas’ud (radhiallahu anhu) said:

“The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘Cursing a Muslim is a sin and killing him is kufr.’” ⁷⁰

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:

“Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) does not love anyone who is foul-mouthed and obscene.”⁷¹

“Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will hate the disgusting, foul-mouthed person.”⁷²

It is a quality that does not befit the Muslim woman who has been guided by the truth of Islam and whose heart has been filled with the sweetness of faith. So she keeps far away from disputes and arguments in which cheap insults and curses are traded. The alert Muslim woman is further encouraged to avoid such moral decadence whenever she remembers the beautiful example set by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) in all his words and deeds. It is known that he never uttered any words that could hurt a person’s feelings, damage his reputation or insult his honor .

Anas ibn Malik (radhiallahu anhu), who accompanied the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) closely for many years, said:

“The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) never used foul language, or cursed, or swore. When he wanted to rebuke someone, he would say, ‘What is wrong with him? May his forehead be covered with dust!’” ⁷³

He even refrained from cursing the kafirin who had hardened their hearts to his message. He never spoke a harmful word to them, as the great Sahabi Abu Hurayrah said:

“It was said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, pray against the mushrikin.’ He said, ‘I was not sent as a curse, but I was sent as a mercy.’” ⁷⁴

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) excelled in removing the roots of evil, hatred and enmity in people’s hearts when he explained to the Muslims that the one who gives his tongue free rein in slandering people and their wealth and honor  is the one who is truly ruined in this world and the next. His aggressive attitude towards others will cancel out whatever good deeds he may have done in his life, and on the Day of Judgment he will be abandoned, with no protection from the Fire:

“The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘Do you know who is the one who is ruined? They said, ‘It is the one who has no money or possessions.’ He said, ‘The one who is ruined among my ummah is the one who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, fasting and zakat to his credit, but he insulted this one, slandered that one, devoured this one’s wealth, shed that one’s blood, and beat that one. So some of his hasanat will be given to this one and some to that one. . . And if his hasanat run out before all his victims have been compensated, then some of their sins will be taken and added to his, then he will be thrown into Hell.’” ⁷⁵

Not surprisingly, therefore, all of this nonsense is eliminated from the life of true Muslim women. Disputes and arguments which could lead to curses and insults are rare in the community of true Muslim women that is based on the virtues of good manners, respect for the feelings of others, and a refined level of social interaction.

She does not make fun of anybody

The Muslim woman whose personality has been infused with a sense of humility and resistance to pride and arrogance cannot make fun of anybody. The Qur’anic guidance which has  instill  led those virtues in her also protects her from scorning or despising other women:

( O you who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: it may be that the [latter] are better than the [former]: nor let some women laugh at others: it may be that the [latter] are better than the [former]: nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by [offensive] nicknames: ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, [to be used of one] after he has believed: and those who do not desist are [indeed] doing wrong.) (Qur’an 49:11)

The Muslim woman also learns the attitude of modesty and gentleness from the example of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), so she avoids being arrogant and scorning or looking down on others when she reads the words of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) as reported by Muslim, stating that despising her fellow Muslim women is pure evil:

“It is sufficient evil for a man to despise his Muslim brother.”⁷⁶ 

She is gentle and kind towards people

It is in the nature of women to be gentle and kind, which is more befitting to them. This is why women are known as the “fairer sex.”

The Muslim woman who has truly been guided by Islam is even more kind and gentle towards the women around her, because gentleness and kindness are characteristics which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) loves in His believing servants and which make the one who possesses them dear to others:

( Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel [Evil] with what is better: then will he between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate! And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint - none but persons of the greatest good fortune.) (Qur’an 41:34-35)

Many ayat and ahadith reinforce the message that gentleness and kindness are to be encouraged and that they are noble virtues that should prevail in the Muslim community and characterize every Muslim member of that community who truly understands the guidance of Islam. It is sufficient for the Muslim woman to know that kindness is one of the attributes of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) that He has encouraged His servants to adopt in all their affairs.

“Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) is Kind and loves kindness in all affairs.”⁷⁷

Kindness is a tremendous virtue which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) rewards in a way unlike any other:

“Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) is kind and loves kindness, and He rewards it in a way that He does not reward harshness, and in a way unlike any other.”⁷⁸

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) praised kindness, regarding it as an adornment that beautifies and encouraging others to adopt this trait:

“There is no kindness in a thing but it makes it beautiful, and there is no absence of kindness in a thing but it makes it repugnant.”⁷⁹

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) taught the Muslims to be kind in their dealings with people, and to behave in an exemplary manner as befits the Muslim who is calling people to the religion of Allah   (subhanahu wa ta’ala) the Kind and Merciful, no matter how provocative the situation.

Abu Hurayrah (radhiallahu anhu) said:

“A Bedouin urinated in the mosque, and the people got up to sort him out. But the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘Leave him be, and throw a bucket of water over his urine, for you have been raised to be easy on people, not hard on them.’” ⁸⁰

Kindness, gentleness and tolerance, not harshness, aggression and rebukes, are what open people’s hearts to the message of truth. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to advise the Muslims:

“Be cheerful, not threatening, and make things easy, not difficult.”⁸¹

People are naturally put off by rudeness and harshness, but they are attracted by kindness and gentleness. Hence Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) said to His Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

( . . . Were you severe o